Some people can be reflected the gnarliest shit… like, where they really drop the ball in work or a relationship or wherever, what their biggest blindspot is… and they will take it in, own it, feel their feels about it, clean their beliefs and behavior up, and change their entire life from that one reflection. (Or they’ll take it in check it out and decide they disagree with the other person and carry on with their life… without the need to prove they’re good/right and make the other bad/wrong.)

Most people can’t be reflected… damn near anything… without going into a shame pit and deflecting, denying, turning on their Self, or turning on the other. As their life continues to loop in the same patterns and problems again and again and again… and they continue to blame their partner, their parent, that mentor they hired a year ago, the algorithm, the economy, the industry they’re in. They never even really get the chance to evaluate the reflection in a grounded, neutral way because they were so swept up by the charge of shame.

^the interesting thing is often these people can regurgitate personal development or spiritual rhetoric for daaaaayz. But when you have an honest, direct conversation with them… shit gets real weird, real fast.

Shame is an emotional / mental experience of feeling / believing that YOU are bad and wrong. Because you said/did something or *existed* in a certain way. Which leaves you… looping in self humiliation, self loathing, hiding, defense mechanisms, projection (you’ve made THEM bad/wrong so you don’t have to feel your feelings of bad/wrong) … and unable to effectively gage, let alone correct, the beliefs and behavior that are creating the reality you don’t want to be living in. 🤔

Guilt is an emotional / mental experience of… realizing that a thing you said or did was bad or wrong and feeling a healthy amount of bad about that so you can correct and CHOOSE the beliefs and behaviors you want to live into… that support the reality you want to live into.

Guilt is responsive

Shame is reactive

Guilt is constructive

Shame is destructive

Shift your relationship to shame… and you have changed the entire game of life.

Instagram post here